A new side to me I find I dislike

We've been engaging in "Play" a bit more. Just a little with Mary Ann but a bit more with Ginger. She seems a bit more ready to "Take the risk" if you will. All of us have this new dimension whereby whenever we get involved in anything more alternative than just loving each other emotionally from acrossed the room, anything physical really, we get a little nervous. This is what we were persecuted for. This is not what the bogus charges were, but this is why they prosecuted me. They thought they would have an easy victory because they would bring the alternative lifestyle into play. Much of my attorneys time was spent objecting to the prosecutions attempts to bring my relationship with Ginger and Mary Ann in to the case, once even needing to officially object to the prosecutors characterization of their sexual relationship. My attorney correctly objected based on relevance. No matter what I am accused of doing, did do, or did not do with or to some other party, how can that in any way have any relevance or relationship to whether or not the two women have a sexual relationship with each other? Even the incredibly biased judge had to agree to that, and the prosecutor was told not to bring it up before the jury. It was clearly an attempt to prejudice the jury. The thing is, Ginger and Mary Ann DON'T have a sexual relationship and never have. There was never any indication of one, it was just a blatant lie. I find it telling that the prosecutor felt completely comfortable making the attempt. One wonders how often he gets away with it.

In any event, we are beginning to indulge a bit again, and hopefully will become more comfortable as we go. The problem is I still have that mental and emotional hurdle. That new part of me that I don't like. It's a little hard to describe but I want to offer an analogy that hopefully will make some sense at least. When I was 18 or so, I had a guy settle a debt he owed me by giving me a motorcycle. It was a nice bike, and the series had a good reputation, but it turns out it was not nearly as capable a performer as the bike I already owned. Not long after I got it from him I was out going somewhere on a sort of misty, rainy day. I went whizzing through an s curve I had taken dozens of times on my old bike, including in harder rains, and it tracked right around as surefooted as you please. The new bike couldn't handle the left to right change, and spun around before flopping forward onto it's side throwing me down in front of it. As I rolled and tumbled I looked back and saw the bike, streaming sparks, sliding along after me so I tried to roll faster rather than slower and curved myself out of it's way. Once we both stopped, I picked myself up, determined I was injured but not very seriously, picked up the bike and got it on it's stand, shut off the gas and went to find a tow truck. I healed up in about a month, and the bike was only damaged cosmetically really, but for years after that whenever I tried to turn right it felt like some invisible force was pushing me back upright. I knew it was my own head not being willing to lean over after that s-curve incident, and I knew the odds were slim I'd have another issue. In fact not long after that one of my buddies complained about wanting a bike badly but not being able to find anything he could afford. I told him about the new bike and that if he understood it was purely a cruiser and if he promised not to go corner carving he could have it for free and spend his bike fund on polishing out the scuffs and getting plates and insurance. He accepted and I went back to riding the old bike again which I knew from experience could make that turn without any issue at all. But no matter what my head said, my body just did not want to go. This is a bit like the reverse of that. My body enjoys the actions I take, but my head never lets up on how risky it is, or what might be done to punish us, even if we have every right in this country to do what we are doing. It's even awakened me at night a couple of times. But I know this works for us. I know I have never been happier than I was when we were pursuing the course we were on the day we were attacked, and I know the Ladies have said the same thing with no influence from me despite being afraid of what might happen themselves. So I will try to put us back on course and see where we go. It took several years, but eventually I reached a point on a motorcycle where I could turn so hard in either direction that I would occasionally drag the pegs. Hopefully my confidence and comfort level will return in this new arena more quickly.