Wait, where did this extra minute come from?

For the first time in a long time I have everything done today I needed to get done and nothing is getting put off.  Actually, I should be getting ready for bed, but I'm not yet really tired.  Since I haven't posted in quite some time I thought I'd take the opportunity.

Work is settling down a bit more.  I was getting a new assignment every few days, now I am getting left in place for weeks at a time.  I'm still being moved around for training purposes, but I don't feel so totally lost any longer.  Mary Ann has been out of state visiting family and though back in the state now she will still be out of town for the rest of this week.

Beings as we were on our own, I took the chance to take Ginger to a classical music concert.  She likes that kind of thing and I confess I enjoyed it as well.  I did make the mistake of leaving it to her to plan though, and things didn't go particularly well at first.  She knew only in a general sense where the theater was located, she didn't know where to park once we got there, expecting to just drive around until she found somewhere, and she had missed the fact that the food and beverage sales were cash only.  Not knowing this I didn't bring any cash, so we had to go without.  I realize it's actually my responsibility to have a plan, but I've always required my partners to maintain their capabilities just in case something happens.  Like lightening falls from the sky and catches me in the forehead, or former friends of the family go on a lying spree to (So called) law enforcement and the prosecutor forges ahead at all costs because he disapproves of our lifestyle choice.  You know, like that.  Well, I love Ginger, but it's come to my attention that she is going to need some remedial training.  Like I don't have enough to do.  lol

I've managed to clean up the leaves of last fall.  For some reason I had bags and bags of what looks like Oak leaves in my yard, despite the fact that I can't even see a tree with leaves like that from anywhere on my property.  I've also worked out a mowing schedule I think I can maintain even with the hours I work.  We've tried contracting it, but we have had no luck finding a reliable service provider, so I guess it's up to me.

We haven't played much past hand spanking on occasion.  I think we all have that bit of dread resulting from the assault.  Or more specifically, the statement made by the prosecutor that despite the fact that the case was falling apart that office was going to go forward no matter what due to the lifestyle.  The lifestyle was the thing they beat on us with.  At least for myself, every time we start scene-play I can't help being aware that I might have to defend this in court to a jury.  It's a distracting reaction to have to deal with.  Still, that's what I have to deal with, so I forge ahead in the hope that time really does heal all wounds.  Or at least scars them over well enough that some semblance of confidence in my constitutional rights to privacy and freedom of choice are restored and I can lose myself in a scene again.  At this point I think we are all content to take things slowly and just be content with things as they are and as they improve slowly but steadily.

And I've decided not to read blogs for a while nor ask my friends about their relationships, because so many folks seem to be having trouble in that area and the solutions seem so screamingly obvious to me.  And yet if I offer an opinion, I know I'll be told that "There's no right way" blah blah (Maybe not, but it seems pretty clear what you are currently doing is one of the WRONG ways, now doesn't it?  Because you've been crying to me about the exact same issues for weeks, or months)  and there will be hard feelings.  I get so frustrated because I want to dope-slap someone and just say LOOK, all you have to do is THIS and everything will be golden.  One skill I've learned over the years is to just accept when I can't change something without the cost being way too high, and these situations are in that category.  If I'm not aware I'm not antagonized, so I am working on not being aware.

There is just one thing I want to get off my chest.   I really do have trouble with this idea-de-jour that poorly treated subs are the helpless victims of their previous or current dominants.  I can see how some may say they are victims, but helpless they are not.  Invariably they chose the partner that didn't work out.  They can leave, even if it's hard.  There is help available and options that can be exercised.

I get so irritated at the lifestyle people that buy into this nonsense, because they are making their own lives harder.  As a dominant, or master, or even an HOH, how do you NOT get that accepting the "Helpless victim" theory insults and damages your own rights and lifestyle?  I wish these men could see that every negative term and word spoken about "That other asshole" would just as quickly be applied to themselves if the speaker only knew.  In the minds of the helpful social workers we are all abusive or mentally ill, depending on which side of things you live.  And that social worker will attack you just as fast and furiously as the other guy.  These subs made a choice.  If they were poorly educated or ignorant at the time, that isn't the fault of BDSM. And to be blunt, it is their responsibility alone to do their due diligence before giving their body to someone else to use.  BDSM is not about victimizing or taking advantage.  It's about acknowledging, accepting, and meeting certain desires responsibly.  Consent is the cornerstone, self protection is the mantra, and the information is more readily available to those interested than at any other time in history.  To those that have been taken in by this feel good theory that badly treated subs must be "Victims", I ask you to please stop undermining the progress made over these last years towards being able to openly live the lifestyle.  And to those subs that came to be convinced that they were the helpless victims of some evil mastermind that preyed upon their innocence, know that you were not helpless.  Not then and not now.  Don't allow yourselves to be told that you don't understand what happened or that you are in denial when you know better.  And don't settle for less than you want in the relationship because someone tells you that wanting (X) type behavior is a red flag.  Investigate it for yourself, find the facts, and make your own decisions.  Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you're a doormat that believes whatever you are told.  Right?

O.K.  I've probably changed exactly 0 minds with that diatribe, but at least I feel better for having shouted it into the wind.  Be well all.