It's odd how many things we do so completely differently than other alt families do. I was just reading Mouse's restaurant tale about how she subtly directs food orders to Omega, because they must be careful and she must defer in a way that seems natural. I'm in no way attempting to criticize or correct that notion, but uhm.... we don't do that. In fact it's never even crossed my mind to do that, even after we've been so persecuted for our choices. Maybe it should, I don't know. When we go out and the server asks one of the ladies for their order, the lady just smiles at the server and I say "She'll have this item". Granted, I've gotten a few confused looks for a moment, a couple of hostile glances, and even one knowing smile, but it's never been a problem. I also kiss the ladies (Either of them) in my front yard or driveway in broad daylight. I walk down the street with one on either side holding the hand of each on occasion.
We also have never really been secretive with our extended families. Recently I read about a M/M couple in their fifties who still outright hide their relationship from their families. One was a doctor and one a real estate agent. In their fifties....... And still hiding it? That must be awful! I admit until our situation was about to be published in the paper we never directly addressed it with our families, but we never hid the fact that Ginger lived with us or that I carried a financial responsibility for her. I will confess though, I was a bit surprised how many people said some variation of "Yeah, I thought so". It is wonderful to have so much acceptance and I know we are really lucky in that regard. I feel for people that aren't so lucky.
We're open with our service providers (Insurance, phone company, etc) as much as necessary. Now some might say "Why don't you make it a point?" Do you go out of your way to point out to your landlord or auto mechanic that you are fucking your partner? Do you make it an issue if they assume you are married or if they assume you are not? I'd bet you just live and do business. So do we.
I wonder sometimes what would happen if all of us came out from the shadows and got organized? There used to be a bumper sticker that said "The Moral Majority is neither" I wonder sometimes if we, the alternative lifestyle folks, aren't actually the norm, and they, the vanilla, are the minority alternative.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year!!
I can't believe I skipped all of December without posting. It's been busy!!
I promised myself, and the Ladies, that if we survived the assault things would be different. That I would live differently. Things didn't go exactly as I'd hoped, but I plan to re-order my priorities anyway. The plan was to spend more time with family. My business is all but shut down, and I had decided not to revive it. Working for the man is hard for me, since I have difficulty tolerating stupid. And let's face it, what is bureaucracy if not organized stupidity? Still, it creates time and offers benefits I couldn't afford to buy on my own, so.... I had expected this to mean focusing on Child and the career Child wants. Since Child has made the choice not to live with us any longer, I have made the choice not to prioritize those goals above my own any longer. It sounds cruel even to me, but I can't justify denying the Ladies the things others take for granted in order to pay for attorneys to force the asses to allow me to pay for the things that Child should have to pursue the career desired. We have spent literally thousands on that dream, and the reward seems small at best. Certainly I will not abandon my responsibilities. But Child is old enough now to make choices. I'm going to have to allow Child to face the consequences of those choices, even the bad ones.
Therefore, I had dutifully put aside a few dollars a month even when I was unemployed. I had New Years plans and stood firm that nothing would interfere with them. Christmas went well in my opinion. Child did not visit since the schedule requested would have required us to sacrifice our plans AGAIN, so this time I said no. Come when we agreed or don't come at all. Child opted out, as I expected. But a line has been drawn and I believe Child now understands that next time, Child will be sticking to the agreement, period. Since we were on our own we spent Christmas day with Mary-Anns parents. They accept our lifestyle and have always treated Ginger and Child as family. There are even pictures of Ginger and Child amongst the family photos on their living room walls. We exchanged gifts and ate WAAAYYY to much. And just generally had a family day. The next day we spent with my mother and Grandmother. They too accept our lifestyle and accept Ginger as family. As I've said Ginger's family leaves a lot to be desired, and my grandmother is the closest thing to a typical grandparent relationship she's had. My grandmother helped Ginger learn to embroider, but Grandma's fingers just aren't nimble enough to do it anymore. She had wanted to make matching pillow cases for her bed to go with her spread, but was unable to, so Ginger has begun them. The first was Grandmas gift from Ginger for Christmas. They are very intricate but the match was perfect. Grandma was very pleased.
For New Years, we enjoyed a weekend at a vineyard sampling wine, and enjoying the comedians, art, and bands that were provided for the New Years celebration. It was a wonderful time and I plan to do this type of thing a lot more often now that we will all be free to do so. I did manage to get a new job. It's third shift but offers decent pay and killer benefits. It also allows me to keep my remaining business clients on the side, so hopefully we can get back on an even financial keel. We owe a lot of money to the various attorneys, and now doctors for the time I was unemployed and uninsured, so the side business is pretty important. But now I am hopeful that we can pay all the bills and still enjoy life as we should.
Ginger and Mary-Ann have been wonderfully supportive of the change to third shift for me. I knew they would be but they still deserve credit. We are getting into the new routine and they are doing a fantastic job of keeping the house clean and quiet at the same time.
Mary-Ann still does not feel well enough to try to go back to work. She has been having very bad head aches that last for two or three days, and now has a problem with one knee as well (Unrelated). We have more doctors appointments in the coming weeks. It's hard for me to just watch, but I'm no doctor and generally not much help other than to carry things and get the door and so on. I wish someone could figure out why she's so sick all the time. She's in good spirits though, and very helpful around the house, often despite my telling her to let things go.
Ginger is doing well and has been the epitome of the happy submissive lately. She's been doing well at work and things are going smoothly on that front for now. She's been getting headaches too, but of a different kind and I think related to a new medicine she has been on for stress. Hopefully that will be an easy fix.
So, I hope everyone out there had a nice end of year, and I wish you all a Happy New Year.
I promised myself, and the Ladies, that if we survived the assault things would be different. That I would live differently. Things didn't go exactly as I'd hoped, but I plan to re-order my priorities anyway. The plan was to spend more time with family. My business is all but shut down, and I had decided not to revive it. Working for the man is hard for me, since I have difficulty tolerating stupid. And let's face it, what is bureaucracy if not organized stupidity? Still, it creates time and offers benefits I couldn't afford to buy on my own, so.... I had expected this to mean focusing on Child and the career Child wants. Since Child has made the choice not to live with us any longer, I have made the choice not to prioritize those goals above my own any longer. It sounds cruel even to me, but I can't justify denying the Ladies the things others take for granted in order to pay for attorneys to force the asses to allow me to pay for the things that Child should have to pursue the career desired. We have spent literally thousands on that dream, and the reward seems small at best. Certainly I will not abandon my responsibilities. But Child is old enough now to make choices. I'm going to have to allow Child to face the consequences of those choices, even the bad ones.
Therefore, I had dutifully put aside a few dollars a month even when I was unemployed. I had New Years plans and stood firm that nothing would interfere with them. Christmas went well in my opinion. Child did not visit since the schedule requested would have required us to sacrifice our plans AGAIN, so this time I said no. Come when we agreed or don't come at all. Child opted out, as I expected. But a line has been drawn and I believe Child now understands that next time, Child will be sticking to the agreement, period. Since we were on our own we spent Christmas day with Mary-Anns parents. They accept our lifestyle and have always treated Ginger and Child as family. There are even pictures of Ginger and Child amongst the family photos on their living room walls. We exchanged gifts and ate WAAAYYY to much. And just generally had a family day. The next day we spent with my mother and Grandmother. They too accept our lifestyle and accept Ginger as family. As I've said Ginger's family leaves a lot to be desired, and my grandmother is the closest thing to a typical grandparent relationship she's had. My grandmother helped Ginger learn to embroider, but Grandma's fingers just aren't nimble enough to do it anymore. She had wanted to make matching pillow cases for her bed to go with her spread, but was unable to, so Ginger has begun them. The first was Grandmas gift from Ginger for Christmas. They are very intricate but the match was perfect. Grandma was very pleased.
For New Years, we enjoyed a weekend at a vineyard sampling wine, and enjoying the comedians, art, and bands that were provided for the New Years celebration. It was a wonderful time and I plan to do this type of thing a lot more often now that we will all be free to do so. I did manage to get a new job. It's third shift but offers decent pay and killer benefits. It also allows me to keep my remaining business clients on the side, so hopefully we can get back on an even financial keel. We owe a lot of money to the various attorneys, and now doctors for the time I was unemployed and uninsured, so the side business is pretty important. But now I am hopeful that we can pay all the bills and still enjoy life as we should.
Ginger and Mary-Ann have been wonderfully supportive of the change to third shift for me. I knew they would be but they still deserve credit. We are getting into the new routine and they are doing a fantastic job of keeping the house clean and quiet at the same time.
Mary-Ann still does not feel well enough to try to go back to work. She has been having very bad head aches that last for two or three days, and now has a problem with one knee as well (Unrelated). We have more doctors appointments in the coming weeks. It's hard for me to just watch, but I'm no doctor and generally not much help other than to carry things and get the door and so on. I wish someone could figure out why she's so sick all the time. She's in good spirits though, and very helpful around the house, often despite my telling her to let things go.
Ginger is doing well and has been the epitome of the happy submissive lately. She's been doing well at work and things are going smoothly on that front for now. She's been getting headaches too, but of a different kind and I think related to a new medicine she has been on for stress. Hopefully that will be an easy fix.
So, I hope everyone out there had a nice end of year, and I wish you all a Happy New Year.
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